Chapter 1- Bitter Ramblings

Time waits for no Man

Needless to say alot has happened since I last wrote, for starters; I'm BACK :))

I've been back just over a week now; my tan has faded, I've had to pull my gloves and scarf out and the picturesque beaches of Tenerife are nothing but a memory.

I found I missed London though, surprising, I no. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that I was thrown into Singletown,alone, in a foreign country for a week of events that were designed for 2.

I got by, it was really, really, REALLY hard though.

I consider myself a strong person but that experience has left me feeling so torn, alone and confused. I feel like I've been through a war, however I'm alive; I'm a survivor and so I'm grateful.

In hindsight I can say that it wasn't The Ex that left me feeling this way, its being let down. Its acknowledging that something you relied on, loved and made your number one priority has let you down, is gone and gone so quickly.

It really got me thinking about marriage, if at this stage I am still not comlpetely 'fixed'/ 'over it' and this was a 4/5month relationship how do people manage a divorce?!

Marriage is meant to be the sanctity of life, it's when you promise yourself before God and all those you love and care for to love and cherish your spouse, through thick and thin however its really disconcerting that it can be taken back, removed even, so quickly.

Call me Old Skool but I want a white wedding, I want a church full of my family and friends witnessing promises between me and my husband devoting ourselves to each other for aslong as we live. I want forever.

Can you really imagen that coming from the boys of today, that sit at the back of the bus, relaying lyric after lyric but not able to relay the date. The boys with the latest Nike, Gucci Belts and phones but no prospects, GCSE's or, dare I say it, Alevels. 

Now I usually hate stereotypes but I cant help it, its becoming too hard to give these boys the benefit of the doubt and to imagen them succeeding.

I lost the hope of 'Love' a long time ago and now 'General Contentment' is slipping through my fingers, like sand.

Dont get me wrong I know these boys, their my friends and I love everything about them, I like their swag, their 'game' and general charisma, their prospects etc. everything. Tinchy Stryder and Aml Ameen are just a few of my "future husbands", but I guess thats because they've made it already, they made their dreams a reality.

Its pretty sad that Martin Luther had a dream of us bettering ourselves, Rosa Parks sat down for us and we as a nation haven't much to show for it.

But this is all very generalised, I know that there are those out there pushing their way through, like roots in the ground, struggling to reach sunlight, and I'm one of them.

Lead by Example

                                                                                                                          - Myozen